yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
