When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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