I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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