Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
