He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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