sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
