she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
