Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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