So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
