There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
