I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
