i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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