i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
