we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize