is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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