Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
