I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
