That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
