First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
