You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
