Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
