ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
