Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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