is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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