im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
