what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
As shirtless as possible
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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