You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize