You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
