I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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