sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
