you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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