I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
