We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
