Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
