I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
