the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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