did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
