Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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