Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
