I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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