He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
