sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
