My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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