I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize