Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
