I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
