I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
