nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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