I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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