Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
