is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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