It's like God shit irony all over that family
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't deserve a penis
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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