I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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