He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
