what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
