RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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