Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
