We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize