Plan B is the new Plan A
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize