So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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