I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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