did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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