My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
