my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
