Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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