She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
