So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize