Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize