I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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