Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dignity is for republicans.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
