If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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