Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
