so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
how does that bad decision feel?
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