I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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