walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
