just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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