we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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