I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
