Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
