My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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