she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize