READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
