just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
