shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
