If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
They took my balls.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
A bitchslap is in order.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
