This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
