I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
