A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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