Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
