I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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