having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
there is glitter all over my balls
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