Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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