theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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