so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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