k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
