Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
