I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
