im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
